Editor’s Note: In this fourth episode of the CUNY SPS Parent Club Podcast, members delved into the intricacies of managing finances as parents. Tune in as they share advice and resources, while reflecting on childhood memories about how their parents handled finances.
Transcript:
Parsh Lal: Welcome everybody to our Parent [Club] Podcast. My name is Parsh Lal and I’m the student life coordinator for CUNY SPS. I’m joined today by three amazing students, Goseema, Kelley, and Jazmin. Today we’ll be talking about financials and parenting—the stress and burden of parenting and still trying to keep up with finances. We’ll be asking three questions to our students and each of them will have two to four minutes. But yeah, without further ado, let’s get into it.
So the first question we’re going to be having is for Goseema. And that question is, what are some practical strategies that parents can employ to navigate rising living costs and maintain financial stability within their households?
Goseema Persaud: Hi everyone. So for me in my household I have two kids, two boys. Snacks are a big thing for us. Constantly, I would try to save money in that way where I budget it out what we are supposed to be spending per week and on groceries, on snacks. But, especially when we’re out and about, I came to realize that every time we pop into a Dunkin or pop into a McDonald’s, it ends up being $30, $40 and that’s multiple times a week. So for me, what I do to cut back on that cost is I bring water, I pack snacks from home. Before we leave I say, guys, here’s your snack bag.
Let’s just pack it with whatever snacks you feel like you’re going to eat in the car or after your karate class. And that has been working so well for us. And then every now and again when I just give them a treat so that they can value that as something special and not as something that they’re going to just get as is.
Parsh Lal: That’s a great answer Goseema. You know, especially now with the cost of food rising, it’s ridiculous how much they charge us to get a snack outside, but it’s good that you pack those snacks. You tell those kids to get those snacks because in the long run you save a lot of money if you don’t eat outside, don’t grab snacks from outside. McDonald’s even —I heard that Big Macs are like 18 bucks nowadays.
Goseema Persaud: Yeah.
Parsh Lal: Forget about it.
Goseema Persaud: It’s very expensive.
Parsh Lal: Big Macs go for $18 guys. That’s how bad it’s become with food. But, great answer. And now we go to Kelley. And Kelley the question is, what are some practical strategies that parents can employ to navigate rising living costs and maintain financial stability within their household?
Kelley Raphael: Okay, so first I’m going to quickly introduce myself. I am Kelley Raphael. I am a HRL (BA in Human Relationships) student. I’ll give out the disclaimer that I am not of course a financial expert, but I do consider myself a life student of finance. Why is this? Because we remember, we’re parents now, but we remember when we were not parents and we used to hate our parents. In my case, my mom because she was a single mom because—it’s not really that we hate, and this can go to parents as well, it’s not really that I hated my mom and it’s not really that our kids hate us.
They just don’t like the fact they’re not getting their way. So that’s something just to store at the back of your head. Like if you ever hear those words, of course they don’t mean it, but like we remember the stories. Like when we wanted, we were in a grocery store and there’s something we wanted, but we couldn’t get it, or I remember, for example with cereal, if it wasn’t on sale, we couldn’t get it. As I said, my mom was a single mom.
So my tip in that respect is the basics for anybody, parents or not, to live within our means. And there’s a slide that I want to show. It’s something that I got from a book that I read and I shared it with a group years ago because like I said, I’m a student of finance, which of course means I like to share what I learned about finance. So I’m going to share the screen.
So, hopefully you can see this budget. This is something and this is the book I pulled it from, Dfree: Breaking Free from Financial Slavery. Strong word, “slavery,” but we see the book cover, we see the chains that this author wanted people to be able to break. And this is a guide for how we should put a percentage on certain things that we do. For example, housing, rent, mortgage, you know, having a place to live should be anywhere between 25% to 35% of your salary. And a lot of us are admittedly well over that. So these are goals that we have, but these are things that we can teach our children as they prepare for adulthood and being out on their own.
This will help. This way, we’re not living beyond our means. This way, we are not what they call house poor and things of that nature. So every time I do some type of seminar regarding financial freedom, this is something that I always turn to because this is something we are not taught.
Outside of that book, no one has ever taught me this, let alone my mom because she didn’t know it herself. And that’s the thing within some of our communities, we don’t get this type of education. This is something that we can share with our children when the time is right.
Parsh Lal: You know, you brought up a great point about the lack of teaching that a lot of schools don’t really do about financial literacy, about how to save money. Especially if someone’s coming into high school, elementary school, middle school, they teach them nothing about important skills they need, like how to file your taxes, how to save money. And it just shows how much of a lack there is of this kind of education for people. But thank you for that. And that’s a great chart that you have as well for different expenses. It’s definitely something that I didn’t realize how much my money goes to here, here, here.
Kelley Raphael: But I would stress—I would say it’s not really even the school’s responsibility. It’s really our responsibility to teach this to our children.
Parsh Lal: Correct. That is true. Thank you for that, Kelley. And Jazmin, the question is, what are some practical strategies that parents can employ to navigate rising living costs and maintain financial stability within their households?
Jazmin Ramirez: Thank you all for having me here. My name is Jazmin. I’m a business major focusing on finance. I’m a full-time student and a part-time worker. So that lets you in on a bit of what my financial situation is. I do have a partner. He is the one supporting me in this endeavor, which I’m completely happy about. And we are parents of two.
So, we have a five-year-old daughter who just started kindergarten. And I recently gave birth to a four-month-old baby. So finances are very, very tight right now. You can plan ahead, but I think at certain points in life, you realize that your saving methods aren’t sufficient enough. You kind of just have to earn more. So I don’t try to feel bad if I’m penny-pinching right now and I really can’t afford to eat something outside.
Because of the fact that you just have to earn more money and sometimes finding another stream of revenue will be a solution to your issues. So when it comes down to the budgeting for my family, we budget with a bit of wiggle room. Especially with having a five-year-old daughter, when it was just her, we had the opportunity to splurge a little bit. Like, “Oh, you want something from the store? Yeah, no problem. Yes, we have McDonald’s money. Let’s just go.”
But now that we have a second child, we come to realize that you have to manage a little bit better. We make sure to budget with that little wiggle room just for our daughter.
We make sure to analyze how much money we are going to spend outside of the house because we’re not going to always cook every meal. And we’re okay and accepting of that. But we make sure to factor that in. If we do go outside, so just like Goseema, I believe that was your name, has stated that if you’re going to go outside and take your child to karate class, you pack accordingly. You bring juice, you bring snacks, all those good things. But also remember that there are times where you create a pattern. And for my daughter, it’s that every single time we leave karate class, she buys a snack. So that’s something that we factor in because that’s something that we’ve already made a routine, unfortunately, for her. We will figure out a way to break that out with finances. But that’s something that we’re very mindful of.
We make whatever we can. So instead of buying a muffin, we might make a muffin at home and we just make it a whole activity for my child. So she loves cooking and she loves the interaction and having to have that one-on-one time with us as parents. So that’s something that we use to our advantage. And we also have some food intolerance things.
So not everything we can buy outside is necessary. Like, I can’t eat milk right now. I can’t eat certain nuts. So we take that into consideration as well. And meal prepping becomes a little bit easier because of that—because of the fact that I can’t always just go outside and buy some french fries from McDonald’s because it’s cooked in a certain oil that contains one of the intolerances I have. So planning ahead and understanding and being kind to yourself and saying, you know what, if I did have to step outside of my budget and buy something from the store, it’s okay. But just make sure to factor that in so that you’re not drowning and not being able to pay a bill, for example. Like, don’t go outside if you know you’re gonna pay like $30 for a snack or like a meal outside. Just plan accordingly so that way you won’t feel guilty about it.
Parsh Lal: Thank you Jazmin so much for that. And now I open to any kind of comments or questions that either of our presenters had for each other or anyone from the audience, in case you guys had any questions for each other.
Kelley Raphael: Well, I just want to say kudos to the parents who find us the resources to do things like karate for the kids. My children do different things for their kids. And I’m like, “Oh my God,” because when they were younger, the expenses were not what they are now.
So I don’t even know how they manage it. But then another thing, a lot of things that my kids do now that I didn’t do, is travel. When I was younger, as a single parent, we did not travel. Our travel was like the high school across the street that had a nice big open field where they could run and ride their bikes around the track. That was our vacation. So I know times are totally different these days, but kudos for finding resources to invest in your children.
Goseema Persaud: I just wanted to add—oh, so sorry, go ahead.
Jazmin Ramirez: No, no, go for it. I was just going to say that there’s scholarship programs now. So a lot of these things you apply for. And there is some sort of parent funding that can allow students to go to certain events. Like my daughter’s in the gardening committee program that came through to a scholarship program that we applied for and she qualified for.
So, you’re right. I’m very thankful and grateful that we have these opportunities to invest in our children, even though we’re financially in a situation where we might not be able to afford it ourselves without support from the community.
Goseema Persaud: Yes, hi. I was just going to add, a lot of these things to just maintain the cost of living and financial stability does come from habits that we have had. For example—like the example you gave—yeah, after karate, they used to go to the next door to Dunkin Donuts and have a drink and a muffin.
And then after that, they’d go home and say, “I’m still hungry,” but I’m exhausted. And we tend to have a habit of, “Let’s just see what we can order.” But then when you analyze how much you’re actually spending on food that isn’t nutritious and giving them what they actually need, you realize that packing healthy alternative snacks is just so beneficial for them and my wallet. So, a lot of that, I want to say, does come from these habits that we had built and it’s hard to break them. But slowly introducing it to them saying, “Hey, not today, but maybe next time we can get it.” And trust me, they do remember that next time and they’ll ask for it.
Parsh Lal: Thank you, Goseema. Any other questions or comments? I see Yasmin in the chat said that she also searches for free activities online for kids, which is such a good thing to have technology nowadays. Just to save a lot of money by just finding something online that they can do for free. And it definitely keeps them occupied for a while. So that’s good.
Yasmin Fabian: Yeah, hi guys. Yes, I also do. I also check there’s a lot of mommy, I think time out, mommy pop-ins, there’s a couple of websites that offer a lot of free activities, which in the summertime, in the spring, I’m able to take my daughter to. And it helps out because a lot of everything has a charge, everything has a fee. She wants to go through some slime thing or whatever it’s like $50 to get in. So I also search for those free things. It helps a lot.
Parsh Lal: Thank you for that. Yes, let’s move on to the next question. All right. The question is, how can parents effectively communicate financial challenges to their children while fostering a sense of security and resilience within the family unit? This question is for Goseema.
Goseema Persaud: Yeah, so I feel that if you start with a foundation of having open communication with your children from a young age, it kind of renders when they’re older and you’re having these financial issues, to just talk to them about it. You know, a perfect example is my son. He wants to go away for his birthday. He’s seven years old, you know, and they’re into this travel thing now. But I can’t, I said, “I cannot take you away for your birthday. I cannot afford it.” And, you know, he said, “Okay, so maybe over summer break.”
He’s more understanding because I’m open to communicating instead of just telling him, “No,” without a reason. Just giving him a reason and for him to rationalize that in his own sense and give him an alternative. So say, “I can’t have you travel away, but we can have a small birthday party for you. And you can invite some of your friends.” And just having a limit to it—and just be open and honest with them, and just communicate on that level where they understand. It does help a lot and they tend to not want so much where you keep telling them no when it adds that strain in your relationship with them.
Parsh Lal: Great answer, Goseema. I thought about my own thing—what my parents did when I grew up. It definitely wasn’t that nice as you are to your kids. You couldn’t buy something for your kids and stuff. For us growing up, it was like, “Yeah, we don’t have the money.” Or it was like, “No, we can’t have it,” without any explanation. So it’s good that you give your kids an explanation for why they can’t get something. Communication goes a long way. So thank you for that.
Next is Kelley. And the question is, how can parents effectively communicate financial challenges to their children while fostering a sense of security and resilience within the family unit?
Kelley Raphael: So I definitely agree about giving the reasons. And I agree with you also, Parsh, that back in the day, we didn’t get those types of reasons. It was just, like I shared earlier, the reason I got was, “It’s not on sale, no.”
So times have changed, as we know. I would say, of course, it depends on the age, you know, if they’re able to comprehend what you’re trying to share with them.Let them know the goals that we’re trying to meet based on the template that I showed you guys earlier. And you know, just let them know, “Hey, what I learned is that we need to curtail what we’re spending in this area,” and make them a part of a winning team.
It’s not a punishment, even though it might feel like a punishment, it’s not a punishment. We’re working towards a goal and we can work together to make this goal. Or, as we know from our studies, most likely as SMART goals. And for those who may not know about SMART goals, I’ll just share my screen once again. You know, these are the SMART goals.
You’ll see at the top of the page, this is where I got the picture from. Our goals, they need to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. So, and this is another lesson to share with our kids about setting goals in a SMART way to make them achievable. So this is something, you know, these are the key things that we can teach our children. They don’t have to wait to learn about it in school. They can learn about it at home. SMART goals are something that we can teach them pretty early. Like sometimes, you know, our kids might say something that’s outlandish, like it’s pretty impossible. And we can kind of like make it into a SMART goal for them. So they can really work towards an achievable goal, because if it’s not SMART, it’s not achievable. So that would be my suggestion in that area.
Parsh Lal: I think this really shows how important goal setting is, right? Setting those goals up, and then working towards them, creating that plan of action. I think it’s especially important for kids to learn something like that at a young age, because it really helps them when they get older, right? Especially with academics and stuff like that.
Kelley Raphael: Right.
Parsh Lal: So thank you.
Kelley Raphael: Yeah, we want to have them ready to succeed. We want them to be able to succeed.
Parsh Lal: Definitely.
Kelley Raphael: Yes, definitely.
Parsh Lal: Thank you, Kelley. Jazmin, you are next. And the question is, how can parents effectively communicate financial challenges to their children while fostering a sense of security and resilience within the family unit?
Jazmin Ramirez: Awesome. So for me, I think we all grew up with a similar household, where it was like, “We don’t have the money for it, so don’t ask.” Or my personal favorite, they’ll lie to you and say, “Yeah, of course.” And then, it just never comes through. I believe those experiences kind of do something to a person. And when it came down to my family, I wanted to do something different.
I wanted to—yes, childhood trauma, definitely. So I wanted to do something different by creating a learning experience for them and to give them the proper language that will help them have a different mindset. And a different relationship with money because a lot of people don’t have a positive relationship with money whether they realize it or not. And I believe it’s due to the way that we’ve been brought up to think about the financials. I do focus on finances, personally, because I love the numbers, I love working with money. So I want my child to also have an understanding of what that looks like to have a healthy and understandable and a more comprehensive relationship with money. It’s not the root of all evil.
I think people’s behavior towards money is most likely the root of the evil. But I also want to teach her the time value of money and to understand what compound interest is. You know, you start small because they are small. And by not giving them like a poor mentality by saying, “Oh, we can’t afford this” or “We don’t have the money for this,” will really help put them in a position where they’re going to be a bit more receptive to the financial situations and not be so traumatized when they get older because of the financials.
Like they won’t fear debt—they’ll just learn to leverage good debt to their advantage. So one of the things that I tried to do is to help my child. My oldest is a girl, my youngest is a boy. I’ve been blessed to have both genders so this is going to be a completely different experience. Not because they’re just different humans, but the way society treats gender roles, but that’s a whole different topic. So for my daughter, I try to teach her what money is, the importance of money, and just gauge if she’s able to comprehend that information and try to go from there. When it comes to her wanting to buy something, of course, I do budget buying money for her, but I also know how to pivot those sorts of conversations where it’s like, “Oh no, we can’t afford this.” I’ll just be like, “Oh, okay, well, you can have this toy, you can have this toy. So which one of the two would you like?” Or “You can buy from this section,” which might be Target’s dollar section, you know? So that’s kind of how I manage it. And again, I try to teach her about budgeting and how important it is. So I do give her money and I tell her, “Okay, so this is your budget when we go outside,” or “This is how much money you have to spend for something, so think wisely.”
And luckily for me, she’s a very comprehensive thinker, and she’s like, “Oh, okay, so this is $5, and this is $5, so that means I can afford this. But this is $5, and this is $10, and that’s more than the $5 that I have.” So it kind of becomes almost like a math game. And because she’s in kindergarten, she’s learning addition and subtraction. She has this program called Dreambox that also does something similar to that. So we basically stick to the same game plan of understanding which is the higher number, which is the lower number, what comes after what, can you actually afford this, is this within your budget and your range.
And by making it, having her create that thought structure, it’s been easy for me. Like I don’t have to drag her out of a store because we can’t afford something. Like she’s understanding, “Oh, I have $5, and this is too expensive, so I can’t get this, but I can get the other things.” Or like she knows like, “Oh, well, maybe I can ask mommy and daddy for like extra money or something, and I’ll do something at the house,” because she does know like, if you do a chore at the house, then we will give you money as well.
So she’s already at that stage. I’m assuming my other child will hopefully take heed and follow by example, but you never know—kids are different. So we’ll see what happens with this little one.
Parsh Lal: I love the concept you created for your kids. And definitely, you know, it’s gonna help them only in the long run. So thank you for that. I have a quick question for all three of you. So I know each of us kind of talked about how it wasn’t the best growing up. Like we had to kind of, we didn’t get a response from our parents about what we could or couldn’t buy.
It was kind of like, “No” or “Wait until it’s on sale.” So when you guys had your first paycheck as an adult, you had the money to spend on something you really wanted, what was the first thing that you guys bought for yourself, or you kind of got into because of the fact that now you have adult money, as they call it. Like I know, maybe as kids or young teens, we wanted to get something or pursue something like a hobby, but we couldn’t do it because of the financials, right?
So what’s something that each of you have done on your own that you were like, “Yes, I’m happy that as an adult, I can fulfill that childhood memory that I really wanted or that childhood collection that I always wanted.” We’ll go to Goseema, then Kelley, then Jazmin.
Goseema Persaud: Hi, so actually, so in my culture, our first paycheck actually goes out to a charity or a church. So I donated that first check. And then my second one, I was able to put some money towards a laptop for school. Because everything in my family was, if you want it, you work for it, because we had a desktop at home that had helped me a lot.
I started my first job as a cashier at a dollar store. So it wasn’t a lot, but it was like that great achievement like, “Oh, yes, I did this. I worked hard and I could get my own computer now.” That was like a little bit of freedom for me.
Parsh Lal: That’s a great purchase. A computer does have a lot of good benefits. So it must have been a really good feeling to get your own laptop and not have to depend on somebody else’s technology. That’s great though. Kelley, you’re next.
Kelley Raphael: So for me, first of all, I’m quite sure everyone will echo that once we came of age, we understood exactly what our parents’ problems were. Because I probably told my kids the same thing. “I’m gonna tell you, like my mother told me, it’s not on sale, so you can’t have it.”
So that’s first of all, but I can’t say for my first check. You just like the freedom of being able to just buy whatever you want within reason. Like if there’s an outfit you want, you can go buy it and things of that nature. One thing that I strove to do was be a homeowner because my mom was a homeowner at one time, but after a bad divorce, she lost the house and she was never able to get back into a house. So my goal was home ownership, which I was able to achieve.
Parsh Lal: That is a great thing to achieve, honestly, especially in the economy we live in today. It’s good that you did that because it’s a proud moment to be a homeowner and I think it definitely has all the benefits long term. Thank you for that, Kelley. Jazmin, you’re next.
Jazmin Ramirez: Yes. Y’all have some empowering women because if I tell you, which I will, what I spent my first check on—my first actual check most likely went to food. Now I have that McDonald’s money. But honestly speaking, my first check was from Target.
I bought things from Target and then I promptly returned it because I realized that Target was like a black hole, that if you stay there long enough, your money just disappears. When it comes down to my future big check, which I’m hoping to obtain from getting a corporate or a city job, I plan on investing into an investment property so that way I can create generational wealth. And Kelley, what you stated, it resonates with me so much because something similar happened to me and my family as well.
So I totally understand why getting that first home is so important and I do wanna own my first home or build my first home, but I’m looking towards having an investment property first before owning my own first home. So I’m not quite there yet, but I do know that I will be eventually soon.
Parsh Lal: So let’s wrap up to our last question for our podcast. This is for Goseema and the question is, in what ways can community support networks and resources play a role in helping families whether economic uncertainties and alleviate financial pressures?
Goseema Persaud: I think here in New York, especially in the city, there are lots of resources that give families a lot of support. I live across the street from a church and the food pantry lines are there. People can get on there every Saturday morning, so this morning there was chatter outside and I could see the line.
But it’s surprising how these lines, pre-COVID and post-COVID, changed. There’s so much unemployment that people are just on the lines right now. It is so long, but that’s also, if you need help, you can just go and talk to someone there as well. I feel like at my job, particularly too, if you’re open and honest about what’s going on in your life, they try to pull money together and they’ll send emails out. One of our coworkers had a horrible car accident and she was out of work for a while and she had kids to support.
So we all donated a pool of money and it went straight to her. So I feel like there is opportunity out there, you just have to know where to navigate from. And I know there’s like the food pantries that are available here, like going to 311. I think the New York City website for resources has a lot of different ways that you can get support. But it does play a very important role for those who are struggling financially.
Parsh Lal: Thank you, Goseema. And the next person is Kelley. And the question is, in what ways can community support networks and resources play a role in helping families, whether economic uncertainties and alleviate financial pressures?
Kelley Raphael: So for me, I’m not the best person when it comes to resources. You know, I’m being very candid in this podcast. So I’ll share the story about, when as a young mother of two—single mother of two—I remember being in a place where I felt like I needed assistance. So I applied for food stamps and I got food stamps but they were only $50 a month, which is not much help, but it’s help, right? So fast forward, I get a raise and that raise equates to about maybe $11 a week or maybe even $11 a month, once you take out taxes, I think it was $11 a month. So, and I don’t know if it’s still this way, but you have to let them know when you have an increase. So I let them know I had an increase. And so my increase took me to the point where I no longer qualified. So I’m like, wait a minute. If my increase is only $11 a month, wouldn’t it seem like you would at least give me $39? Keep giving me the $39, you know? But they were like, “No, now your salary is over, so you do not qualify.” So from that moment, I was like, “You know what? I gotta get myself together. Because this is insanity.”
So I’m not really a good person as far as resources, but I will say, find out where the resources are. For example, I know someone in my church that I can go to to ask questions. That was like years ago. So now today, when somebody approaches me with a question, I’ll go to my resource and ask them what they think, because this person used to work for the city. So if you don’t know where their resources are, find out where the resources are.
I don’t know if CUNY offers any type of services in that respect, your local churches, or whatever the case might be. But do your homework, don’t give up 100%. In my story, in my example, I did try—it just did not work for me. So there’s like a formula, and if the formula doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit. So seek out the resources, don’t not investigate at all.
Parsh Lal: And lastly, Jazmin, the question is, in what ways can community support networks and resources play a role in helping families by their economic uncertainties and alleviate financial pressures?
Jazmin Ramirez: I believe everyone pretty much touched upon the points I was going to make. I have a bone to pick with SNAP, because they need to update what it means to live in New York City and to be a bit more reasonable with how much they’re doing in accommodations.
But that’s neither here nor there. We do have health insurance, and the food pantry, as Goseema was mentioning, is a big lifesaver. Especially those with better selections, like name brand foods, those who have chickens, steak, ribs, things like that. It’s really important. But to add a bit of value to this topic, I would say more financial literacy. Only because we see programs that teach us about having a savings account, creating a bank account, having a credit card, and then somewhere along the way, it jumps into having bitcoin. And I think that there’s a big gap that’s not being represented in our community, and having that discussion or that information provided to us will be very, very helpful.
Like I’ve gone to other communities where these are regular topics or conversations that I don’t see in my own community. Such as when I had my first child, I did the research, and I was like, “Oh, okay, well, I want to open a brokerage account for my child, so that way they’ll have money whether they want to start a business or go to college.” They will have funding for that. That’s the only reason why I didn’t go for a 529.
But also, I went with one that’s able to transfer property into their accounts if need be. But that’s something that’s normal in other communities that I don’t see us speaking about much in our own. Also, it’s about bridging the gap about learning what stocks are, how to pick a stock, why to pick a stock, how do you know that the stock is valuable, how to read it basically, and how to create a trust. Learn more about life insurance and which type you need, because eventually we are going to need some sort of insurance because when we pass, someone has to pay for us to get buried in the ground or cremated, right? Those aren’t discussions that we have. Most people just build it by themselves or just have money and a savings account off to the side. But who are we having these conversations with and who are going to be executing these things for us? Do we have a lawyer doing it? Do we have a will? Just small things like that—that is our day-to-day basis of just having a bit more information and being more mentally prepared for that.
Because at some point, I did work as a tax preparer. And I got to see how some people lived. And it’s really heartbreaking, especially after the pandemic, where there were people who were only receiving a social security check and could barely even receive SNAP benefits, who were renting out a room in their big age and didn’t have a support system.
They couldn’t leave even if they wanted to. So having those sorts of financial discussions is very important and just being prepared because that is a part of life and that is a part of life that we all have to be comfortable with. So that would be my two cents on what the community plays for us—the role that they play for us and what we’ll be missing.
Parsh Lal: So that kind of wraps up our podcast today. We have a couple of minutes left. Do any of our presenters want to do any closing thoughts or any comments or questions?
Kelley Raphael: Okay, I’ll go. Someone made the point about parents not being honest with them, like parents just saying, “Oh, this is what we’ll do.” And they have no intention of doing it. So I cannot leave this podcast without saying, please never do that. If you don’t intend to do it, please don’t promise them you’re going to do it because kids remember everything. And I remember, as a closing thought, I remember when my mom, she bought everybody in the house—I think it was St. Patty’s Day—she bought everybody in the house two cupcakes, two St. Patty’s Day cupcakes. And she ate one of my cupcakes and she said, “I will replace it,” but she never replaced it. And do you know, I still remember that to this day, that she said she would replace that cupcake and she never replaced it. Now, of course, as I got older, I said, “Oh, she probably couldn’t replace it because, you know, St. Patty’s Day was over. So how could she go out and get it if it isn’t St. Patty’s Day?” But she said it and she didn’t deliver on it. And I held that in my heart for so long.
So please never do that. I remember I had promised my daughters and their friends to go to the pool. But on the day I promised them, it was overcast. Like it really wasn’t a good day to go to the pool.
But guess what? We went to the pool because I still remember how it made me feel when I was promised something, but I didn’t get it. So within your reason, within your ability, never make a promise that you cannot keep.
Parsh Lal: You know, it wasn’t about the cupcake. It was about the meaning behind the cupcake, that there was a promise there and it wasn’t delivered. People in the world might think, “Oh, it’s just a cupcake,” but I understand where you’re coming from.
Like, you know, it’s definitely the meaning behind the cupcake. When you promise a child something and that child gets disappointed, it’s the worst feeling as a child. And it’s the worst thing as a parent knowing that you just broke your promise. So I totally feel you on that one. And Jazmin, any last minute thoughts before you wrap up?
Jazmin Ramirez: Yes, I kind of wanted to, I guess, just say a few things. So one of them is for parents to be kind to yourself. Parenting is never easy. It’s not linear. It’s not like, “Okay, I do X, so I get Y, so like one plus one equals two. No, when you’re parenting, sometimes two apples make a grape.
And that’s okay. You just have to work with what you’ve got. Remember that you’re still trying to figure things out and you just figure out what works best with your family dynamic and structure. When it comes down to parenting style, I definitely grew up in a parenting style where it’s basically do as you’re told, not what you see. And I wanted to change that myself. So I became a positive attachment style for my child and I enjoy it. So just because the world operates in one way, doesn’t mean that you also have to operate in that way. I’ve been given advice by people who practice in an authoritative style. And one of the biggest insults you could tell them is like, I don’t value your opinion because it doesn’t work for my family.
But in some roundabout way, you’re going to have to tell them, but this is what works better for me. And it’s okay for you to say that. Some people are going to question it and they’re not going to understand it, but you, as the parent of your child, do what’s best for you. And it’s never really a failure if you keep working towards whatever goal you have in mind.
And please consider your children as investments and not tools. They’re small humans with really big emotions and they’re trying to work it out and figure it out. And I think we all know a couple of adults who still need to work out and figure out their own emotions. And whatever anguish or pain they have as a small child gets carried into their adulthood that they try to work through. At some point in time, we’re going to try our best, but we may still hurt our children. But I think it’s a goal to not hurt them as we’ve been hurt, but also to equip them with the tools that’s necessary for them to survive in this world and just do the best that you can. Because if they’re going to need therapy in the future, then that’s okay. At least they don’t need a big amount of therapy in the future, hopefully. So just be kind to yourself and understand that you’re doing the best that you can.
Parsh Lal: Thank you for that, Jazmin. That’s a beautiful way to end this podcast. Well, thank you, everybody, for joining us this Saturday afternoon. Thank you to our audience who are going to tune into this in the future. And please, for the new students who are going to view this podcast, please come support the Parent Club Podcast. We do this once a month and it’s all about spreading community for our parents and bringing closure to all these different topics that our parents go through. And it’s all about making sure that our students feel supported. But other than that, I wish you guys all a happy Saturday. Take care and hope the rest of the day goes well.
